Patently absurd

The first U. S. patent was issued on this day in 1790.

"Inventor, n.: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization." -- Ambrose Bierce.

The call of the wild accusation

Ambrose Bierce, author of The Devil's Dictionary and the patron saint of cynics, was born on this day in 1842.

"Bierce would bury his best friend with a sigh of relief, and express satisfaction that he was done with him." -- Jack London.

Happy Saint Patty's Day!

"Saint, n.: A dead sinner revised and edited." -- Ambrose Bierce.

Today's Perverse Verse:

It's a sad fact but one that we secretly relish
That those whose wholesomest words and deeds we most embellish
And whom we venerate as a saint,
Ain't.
Everyone, it seems, has one skeleton in his or her closet or another,
Including that most saintly of all figures you can think of--
Your mother.
Even Mother Teresa, we now know, had her moments of doubt and misgiving,
Times when she exclaimed to herself: "This is a hell of a way to make a living!"

Hold it right there now, Pilgrim

The Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock on this day in 1620.

"A Pilgrim Father was one who, leaving Europe in 1620 because not permitted to sing psalms through his nose, followed it to Massachusetts, where he could personate God according to the dictates of his conscience." – Ambrose Bierce.

"It is a pity that instead of the Pilgrim Fathers landing on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock had not landed on the Pilgrim Fathers." – Chauncey Depew.